Shattered by a World of Lies
Yaelingatthewind
Summary:
She knew this just seemed sloppy for an Obsidian Order job.
Everything felt too easy, the missing information slotting too neatly into place. The timing, the researcher, it did not add up.
The Order could have equally killed the man and wiped the records. The Order could make people disappear, Cardassian or Bajoran it did not matter. She had no doubts on their capabilities.But it was more than that. It was the realisation of ‘what if Elemspur was the truth’
Notes:
Second Skin always felt like an episode that needed more mention. Besides a single episode with Tekeny Ghemor after it, I felt that the trauma Kira went through was mainly brushed aside and forgotten about.
The original draft of the script had called for uncertainty in the results of the scan though they changed this by the time the episode finished production .This story follows that original plan or uncertainty.,
*title from Lesley Roy’s song ‘Misfit”
Work Text:
She told the others Bashir had confirmed that she was fully Bajoran, it was not the full truth, but it was what she had told them. It was for the best, a half-truth to ease the concerns of those around her, though it did nothing to fix her inner turmoil.
For all her attempts to supress the gossip that had circulated ever since she returned to the station, all it would take was some probing, one small slip of the tongue by those she called friends in front of the doctor, and her small deception would come to light.
In truth, what Bashir had told her was that her bio-scan ‘appeared to be fully Bajoran’.
This was supposed to be good news.
So why had it done nothing to quell her fears? She rubbed the bridge of her nose wearily. ‘Appeared to be’ – he had danced around the subject on why there was no full confirmation, citing limitations of the technology etc.
Even without a full confirmation, that fact that no Cardassian biology had been detected, should have brought her comfort, yet it only caused her inner turmoil to spiral.
What if they had planned for this? A sub dermal transponder spoofing the [Bajoran] readings…
She didn’t want to think so deeply into it.
No, Julian Bashir was a good doctor; he would not have missed something like that.
It was stupid to worry. The fact they used her to get to Tekeny Ghemor was clear evidence that she was not Iliana. She hated herself for even giving thought to these ideas.
She was safe, no longer on Cardassia, no Cardassian biology detected. Perhaps she should just let it be…
But there were still unanswered questions. So many unanswered questions…
For one thing, there was the childhood memory.
How did that fit into things? Had they extracted her memories? She doubted it, if they had they would have extracted far more on Bajoran security, on Starfleet…
So planted.
Even now it was a vivid memory, no different to any other vivid childhood experience. It was one she would never have had reasons to question, but how else could they have known?
So if that was fake, what else had been a lie?
Elemspur almost surely, how had they so easily altered the records? Calling the other ‘survivor’ an operative was an easy answer and one she would on the surface accept, but in the dark, it would eat at her.
Because she knew the Cardassians. She knew first-hand what monstrosities they were capable of.
And she knew this just seemed sloppy for an Obsidian Order job. Everything felt too easy, the missing information slotting too neatly into place. The timing, the researcher, it did not add up.
The Order could have equally killed the man and wiped the records. The Order could make people disappear, Cardassian or Bajoran it did not matter. She had no doubts on their capabilities.
But it was more than that. It was the realisation of ‘what if Elemspur was the truth’?
She spent much of her times during the supposed imprisonment days hiding in a cave from sensor sweeps with the Shakaar Resistance cell, and most of them were now dead.
She could contact those who remained. Ask them what they remembered of the timeframe in question, they had never left the caves, but she knew there were gaps with her memory. They had been hiding in caves for so long, time was relative in those days, no clear day or night to sort out. She could not rule out that something could have happened.
She could ask them if she had ever been at Elemspur but she doubted it. If she… If Kira Nerys had ever been at Elemspur than there was no coming back. She could have been placed in an instant, the others none the wiser… All it would have taken was a moment alone.
Or… had her time in the caves been planted all the same, even if she was the real Kira, it was not beyond belief that the Obsidian Order could implant months of memories that could not been differentiated from real.
She shook her head; this train of thought would get her nowhere; it would accomplish nothing.
During her time on Cardassia she had been given the drug to pull her out of the deep cover they claimed her to be in.
Yet the drug had done nothing to recover memories. She was so sure that was the result they had been hoping for.. They had not expected her to recover anything…
Because there had been none to recover. Surely that was proof that she really was Kira Nerys. So why did she feel something was amiss?
So many unanswered questions still remained.
Why her? Why use her? Why not another operative?
Why take the risk of capturing her?
The growing pit in her stomach clenched and churned as she tried to push the train of thought aside and quell any doubt she had. She was not Iliana. She could not be Iliana. She had just been forced to play the part.
Everything done to force Tekeny Ghemor to out himself.
There was still so much information missing
She shook her head in frustration.
She wasn’t a Cardassian, she was thinking too far into things. The simplest explanation was often the truth, and this having all been a trap set by the Order was far more probable then her being a deep Order operative.
She let her eyes close as she tried to find calm and put her faith in the prophets; that they may grant her clarity. But despite her best efforts, that calm never came.
She had escaped. Rescued by Garek and Bashir. But not without help.
And so her thoughts would fall to Ghemor.
Ghemor had put his own reputation and life on the line….
He had risked everything for her.
No! not for her, he had risked everything For Iliana, for what he thought was his daughter. Even with her not accepting the lies, her repeated rejection of everything Ghemor had offered her, he still acted as any father would have done to protect his child.
He had cared for his daughter very much, that was clear.
Did she care for him?
Was she grateful for his actions?
She was glad to be back on DS9. She would admit that much, but was she proud of what had happened? That she had needed help from a Cardassian to escape?
Ghemor was Cardassian and she hated all Cardassians. She was trained to hate them. Yet after what had occurred… did she hate him? Could she hate him?
It pained her to even think about it, but he was the closest thing to family she had. Even if he was no family at all.
All logic said that the Obsidian Order had been after Tekeny Ghemor. That was why they needed someone who would refuse to believe what they were told; refuse to accept they could be Cardassian. All of it had been to catch Tekeny Ghemor in an act of Treason. But….
If that was true, why did it still hurt? Why was her mind still racing over it? Was it because she had been used?
An accessory to a larger Cardassian plot?
It left her with a hollow feeling to even consider it, but what if that too had been a lie?
What if she had been given a placebo and she truly was Iliana and they had used her to catch her father in the act?
Why?
Why go to the lengths of admitting there were undercover agents if this had been the outcome?
No – it didn’t make sense! If she had truly been Iliana, even without the drug there was too much risk, they could not know what her reaction to being around Ghemor and her childhood home may have been.
The whole plan seemed overcomplicated and full of holes. She probably was overthinking things, that was the more probable conclusion. Then again… no plan was perfect, real plans were not perfect.
She looked down at the bracelet on her wrist. Ghemor had given it to her right before their escape.
The escape… her eyes widened as clarity hit.
It had all happened so fast that she had not picked up on it at the time.
“Very astute, Major. You couldn’t have done any better if you were one of us.”
“if you were one of us.”
If!
It was as if the fog in her mind had cleared and a wave of calm passed through her.
The prophets had granted her the needed clarity.
While there would always be unanswered questions, there was one thing she felt certain of: She was Kira Nerys.
There was no longer a doubt in her mind.